The Heavy Backpack
Imagine hiking up Mt. Rubidoux with a backpack full of rocks. Each rock represents a resentment, a regret, or a grudge. This is what it feels like to live in active addiction—and often, early sobriety. We carry the weight of our past everywhere we go.
Forgiveness is the process of taking those rocks out of the bag. It doesn't mean what happened was okay; it just means we are no longer willing to carry the weight of it.
Forgiving Others
In the Big Book, it says, "Resentment is the 'number one' offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else." When we resent someone, we allow them to live rent-free in our heads. We replay the arguments, the hurts, the betrayals.
The solution offered in the steps is radical: we pray for them. We don't have to like them, or even speak to them, but we must release the anger. As the saying goes, "Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."
Forgiving Ourselves
This is often the harder task. We look at the wreckage of our past—the lost jobs, the crying children, the worried parents—and we feel a shame so deep it burns. But shame is a fuel for addiction. To stay sober, we must move from shame ("I am a mistake") to guilt ("I made a mistake").
Step 9 (Making Amends) is the mechanism for self-forgiveness. By cleaning up our side of the street, we earn back our own self-respect. We can look the world in the eye again.
A Daily Practice
Forgiveness isn't a one-time event; it's a daily practice. Every night, I do a quick inventory. Did I snap at my partner? Did I judge the person in traffic? If so, I ask for forgiveness and I grant it to others. I don't want to carry any rocks into tomorrow.